Feed him Beatles

HIM being my unborn son 
BEATLES being "The" 

Picture this:
A small 7 year old blonde girl, with a bun representing a lemon muffin as it balances directly in the center of her dome - is dressed in a sailor dress, white tights, black Mary Jane's & completing the look with a splash of mom's blush, musters up all of the courage she has in the world, walks to the front of the stage at the church where her piano recital is being held, and with hands clasped behind her back she clears her throat and says,

"This next song is for my dad..."

Then, she turns on her heel, fluffs the skirt of her dress and positions herself on the piano bench as she begins to play "HELP," by none other than The Beatles.
  There aren't many memories from my childhood that I remember as precisely as this one but The Beatles were such a strong part of my upbringing - and that was such a moment for me - that I could never forget it. And now at tender age of somewhere between 27 & 42, I want to make sure my unborn son has the same tender memories I have when it comes to music.

While baking in the womb, babies have been shown to turn their heads in response to voices and familiar sounds at week 24! So it's no wonder why, when as soon as we heard this, my husband started having nightly chats and morning salutations with the belly; and I started instilling a strict regimen of daily Beatles listening. Although between the 2 of us, our music is quite eclectic, we like it all! It was suggested to us that if we play the same album repeatedly to the little one while in utero, it may (yes, we'll take anything) soothe him once he enters this big bad world to have something familiar to hear.  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
Everything written above this line was about my UNBORN son - for whatever reason I never got around to finishing the post while he was still baking, and now here I am 6 weeks postpartum. On May 24th, 2015 at 7:17 pm I gave birth to the most perfect specimen of a human, my baby boy, Oliver James Lewis. 

Now at 6 weeks old, although we are just getting to know each other, even though everything is so very new to us all, especially him, despite the fact that he is just plain inconsolable at times, one thing is for sure: my baby boy loves his music. He likes the Beatles just fine, yes. And he better, we played a lot for him. But no matter how fussy he gets - or how LOUD that fuss becomes, whatever I play be it the Beatles or Eminem, Sonny & Cher or The Temptations, Britney Spears or Led Zepplin, Beethoven or Bach, Oliver's happy place is a time signature and a beat. 
It's a beautiful thing because his dad and I are both musically inclined and could never even think of doing anything productive without our life soundtrack gently playing or loudly thumping in the background! 
And for a life that I thought was simply wonderful before I had a baby, I hadn't a clue as to what I was missing until I held in my arms. 
Here's to many Hey Jude's, Opus's and Stairway's to Heaven as we begin the journey of a new life.

All my very best,
Em

...and her life was Simply wonderful

Get Oot! Get Oot of the Hooose!

Read the title of this post aloud, phonetically, & with gusto...I dare you not to smile 

Do you ever have one of those days (or weeks, or months?) where everything feels off? You feel crooked and irritable? Easily distracted, overly busy, yet accomplishing nothing? I do. I'm just coming out of one of these mini ruts. It started with this years flu virus. Little slap on my wrist for not getting vaccinated [#buzzword] against it. But sue me. I'm pregnant! 

Which BTW - world's GREATEST excuse for everything!!! 

(I suggest using it even if you're not - what are people going to do? Argue with a pregnant woman?)

Oops sorry - pregnant!

Baby please? I'm pregnant!

Why is your slice of cake bigger? I'm the pregnant one!

Anyhoo it was simultaneously too soon and too late to get the shot so I didn't. And I suffered for it. With lingering laryngitis and a golf ball lodged in the nook of my throat -  I was recently suffering from having an off day.  I was home and out of bed but hadn't been out of the house doing anything for what felt like weeks. When the sickness starts to wear off, & television gets old, the mind starts a-wandering & suddenly I find myself in this weird downward spiral of privately owned and operated self deprecation. My thought process goes something like this:

Wow I'm up!
Man I haven't been up in like 6 days
6 days - you're a loser. You weren't even that sick! 
Were you throwing up? No. You slept!
You can't do that when you have a child, let alone a new born - what makes you think you should do it now?
God I'm so lame
What have I done in a week? NO-THING 
I didn't even read a book...I am a waste of space
Why do I even bother? 
With anything?
I should just quit...

Ahhh - repeating my inner thoughts is too depressing...and I must admit - I was feeling it: depressed.  I digress, my point? You see how this trajectory starts? And grows? It's terrible. And if you don't make it a personal mission to stop it - you're screwed up depression creek, binge eating Ben n Jerry's out of the carton and then worst of all - feeling sorry for it later. Binge eating ice cream is sometimes a necessary evil I will never deny anyone of, but feeling sorry for it? SUX. When you're already feeling depressed - feeling sorry for something is the last thing to help your cause. 
You know what fixes it though? It's a depression remedy I SWEAR by. Listen carefully because it's intense. You ready? 
A wonderful cure for that sometimes mild but feels really serious depression is 

GETTING. OUT. OF. THE. HOUSE. 

Mind blown yet? Or as I like to scream in silly collapse worthy laughter with some of my favorite females: GET OOT! GET OOT OF THE HOOSE!!!! 
Saying everything loudly with a hefty Canadian accent makes everything more serious and definitely more fun! 
Whether you are going for an invigorating run, a quick walk around the block, or just a short drive across town, I promise you - you can - and if you really want it - YOU WILL feel better.

So on this particular day of feeling down and out, having an off day, a day of being down in the dumps, I forced it upon myself: 
First I showered & put on clothes (as opposed to pajamas) - ok ok...this feels alright
Then I put on make up - dang girl at least you clean up nice!
I blew my hair dry - alright if nothing else I look good
And I took off in my humble little Prius for some totally boring errands: Post Office, Target (who can really hate on Target though?), various returns, bladdity blah blah. Then I did something kind of crazy - you know, just to spice things up. I rolled down my windows, plugged in my good ol' aux cable and BLASTED some of my favorite sing along music. With me and my eclectic mix of moody Lana Del Rey, falling in love Ed Sheeran, and classic Beatles I hid behind my sunglasses and sang and car-danced as though no one in the world were watching or listening.
AND MAGIC (as per the now nearly expected usual) I FELT BETTER.

Next time you're not feeling like you - try getting oot of the hoose and let me know how it goes!

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Em 

I lost my job and I don't know where to find it CONCLUSION: PART 2 of 2

Just like I don't want you to care that I have chosen to add children to my life, I really don't give two shoots when the contrary occurs and you choose to opt out of children. None of my business. What I will say; however, is those without kids probably don't get the timing and scheduling constraints that come with oh I don't know - children - not to mention giving birth...and these potential new employers of mine (sorry - I choose discretion - but I will tell you they are NOT actors, more behind the scenes type folk) were no exception to the rule.
Now law says I didn't have to tell them about my pregnancy (and since my 3rd and final interview found me in the living  room of this family, a mere 3 hours after THE Dr.'s appointment to begin all Dr.'s appointments - and I barely believed the news myself - no this was not the moment I chose to share) but because I was supposed to be on a book tour anywhere from Los Angeles to NYC the week I was due, I thought it was only right that I come forward about the growing poppy seed within me prior to accepting the position.  And so I did. They were prudent enough not to offer a hard-fast sayonara, but place the ball in my court and offered, "Hey - if you can make the travel dates - the gig is yours..." I offered many alternatives, but as luck would have it - whether that's literal or sarcastic luck I'm still not so sure - my alternatives did not offer a solution worthy of accepting the position and thus, I was still left jobless. Unemployed. Without work.
So you can scoot back in your seats now, the tail of me accepting - or not - this ever so seemingly glamorous yet not-so-in-the-slightest position, is over.  I did not accept the position and although maybe begrudgingly, it was ultimately my choice. As exciting of a story as this shaped up to be, though, this is not a tale of that!
This is a coming of age - or as this basketball continues to expand beneath my shirt - perhaps shape and size - story (or should I say battle?)  I have within me about the fact that I am of a certain decade and completely unemployed...CORRECTION I work one day a week for my sweet husband at his company. And that's just nice. But certainly not what I had *ahem* PLANNED. A decade ago, when I pictured myself so many years out of college, and living in Los Angeles I did not foresee unemployment. Aside from movie stardom - I'm not really sure what I saw.  My mind's eye had me putting a career of some worth on hold to give birth and then possibly return later left to battle the stress of leaving my infant behind; or hell even succeeding enough in my entrepreneurial endeavors (more on those later) enough so that I could remain a stay at home mom and come back to my own business at my leisure with my little one on my lap. Ahhh the fantasy's. I never planned for this. I never anticipated being jobless.  But look - that's where my cards landed.
As my gait takes on a new swagger while I lean into my haunches a little bit more than usual and my belly protrudes - interviewing without prejudice becomes increasingly more difficult. My pregnancy hit 6 months today, and the writing on the wall is becoming more and more clear to interpret. The chances of me landing that dream job, or finding a new career path at this exact moment in my life, are slim.  And you know what? (as I heave a big & resolute sigh) I'm going to make a choice to be ok with that. Sure, it wasn't in my plans. G'head God - laugh it up buddy. I'm not saying I give up - but universes's would have to collide in order for things to go just so.
 On that note - if you've got the power to make any universe collide - I should remind you, I'm pregnant, not dead!
I once left what some might consider a dream job to pursue my entrepreneurial dream of owning a dessert company (are we seeing a trend??) and when I did, it was a calculated decision (which brings this whole thing full circle back on down to nanny-ville). A decision in which I had to ultimately put money, comfort, and conventional life choices on the back burner while I charged ahead with belief in myself. When I did so - I found this amazing vinyl sticker online, a quote by Mark Twain, I posted it in my office and to this day it remains there. Reminding me to have some faith in the choices I have made.

About 7 months ago, Jimmi and I made a decision to start trying for some kidlets. I never dreamed I would blink and be knocked up - but here we are. I have stressed and pulled my hair out. Cried and questioned my decision of turning certain opportunities down while simultaneously pushing down the excitement of becoming a mom. No more. I am going to live in this moment. Celebrate my pregnancy and then the birth of this baby boy and begin to watch him grow. I have every intention of returning to the work force and doing something phenomenal with my career and I can't wait. It could be tomorrow. It could be next year. It could be the day he graduates high school. For now - I'm going to choose to CELEBRATE. Life doesn't allot for too much of that: celebration. So put your party hats on kids. I'm unemployed. I am growing the life of a baby boy. 

I'm not dead. I'm just pregnant. 

Thank you for taking the journey with me as I learn to accept my current state of affairs. 

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,

Emily

I lost my job & I don't know where to find it! --------- PART 1 of 2

Being a nanny for so many years (more on why 'nanny' later),  I decided I was ready for a career transformation. I wanted a new career, a new path, and the opportunities to develop the many skills I had only grazed the surface on throughout previous employment at fancy schmancy corporations in my years since college graduation. While working for one family,  I was quietly researching career opportunities and interviewing, even turning down job offers (!) looking for the perfect fit. After all, I had a job, time wasn't of the essence, and I was not in any mood to settle.

Well the joke was on me ultimately when in late August of 2014, my boss of 3+ years casually mentioned that he would no longer need my services come October. WHAT?! But I - was going to quit YOU! Not the other way around...SHIT.  This was not part of the plan. Have you heard the saying, "When you make plans, God laughs?" At times like this, I think I'm his best entertainment! Now, normally when one loses their job, they might collect unemployment and/or seek out the same position at the next best company and simply move onward and upward. Unfortunately for me, since I was paid under the table - which is all fun & games until you lose your job - (red faced emoji), and in the midst of transforming my career, neither of these were an option for me. It was time to hustle. I had 5 maybe 6 weeks to find a job replacement, and now I was suddenly feeling sorry for the positions I had turned down.

I had been an assistant, an administrative assistant, an administrative executive, an executive  assistant, and a NANNY for so long and while most of these positions paid rather well and even offered job flexibility - I never felt I was working toward anything! I was tired of taking orders and fulfilling them for all sorts of execs and doing a damn good job at it all while knowing I wasn't reaching my potential in any facet. This was killing my spirit.

I said more on why 'nanny' would come later, but for a small pieces of insight: I have been an entrepreneur and creative mess since as far back as I can remember. I never wanted to work for the proverbial man - I wanted to create for me.  After appeasing my parents with that good ol' college degree, I made the decision to work these sorts of jobs because I wouldn't have to bring my work home with me so to speak. I could work, get paid a reasonable salary, and still have time to come home and create...
...but when I scored an interview with a Hollywood super couple almost immediately after receiving the 'we're through with you news' from my boss, I didn't exactly mind that I was headed back down the same old path of assistance. Should I land this position I would be traveling around the world, I would be making more money than I had ever made before, and I would have the added grueling task of having to house-sit the Malibu barbie dream home 2 weeks in the summers. I was willing to bend my expectations. I started a round of interviews, prepared to get the job. I was determined to fight for it whilst keeping my expectations of growth clear. I wanted to be upfront and go in with integrity.
The first week of October brings not only my last day as a nanny but the much anticipated 3rd interview. The night before I head into the interview something magical happens which sends me to the Dr. the following afternoon. By magical I mean - I find out we are expecting this albeit cute and exciting - but totally untimely little bundle of joy.

I nail the interview.
The job is mine.
They need me to begin a 9 city book tour!
...the week I am due.
What was that about integrity?
Oh yeah B T Dubs new employers
I'm pregnant...

Assuming I haven't lost you yet - I'll keep you on the edge of your seat until tomorrow.

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Em

Turns out I'm growing a penis...

Ha! Made you look - but let's get real I AM growing a penis!! And that is just really bizarre when you think about it.
Yes, on Friday January 9th, Jimmi and I found out we are having a baby boy!

Whether you've been/are pregnant, intend on it, or never plan on it you should know that as soon as the world hears of this news - as a woman you will receive two - which turn out to be VERY redundant - questions:
1.) Are you going to breastfeed? (um hello none of your business?!)

&

2.) Are you going to find out the gender? (um hello why do you care Nosy Rosy?)

From the beginning I always thought it would be fun to carry a somewhat unknown species around for 9 months...making everyone guess what color onesies and binky's to buy IT. I've never been into the super gender specific's anyway - too much of anything (see baby pink or baby blue) makes me gag.  But Jimmi had other plans. He said he knows me and I'd NEVER be able to pull off holding out until delivery to find out the gender - that it would drive me Crazy McCrazerson NOT to know...but lezbreal - he was totally reflecting his own impatient apprehension onto little ol' me!
So long ago we decided that when the time came we would find out.

In order to keep somewhat of the surprise though, we (I) decided to notify the Dr.'s office that if they were able to detect any specifics, to keep it to themselves and call our bakery with the news. 

yah - I have a bakery. 

Cause you know,  that's how we do it in LA: 

My bakery, my masseuse, my stylist, my yoga instructor, 

 My psychic, my pet's psychic, etc! 

I called ahead to Susie Cakes (see BEST cupcakes eVer) to place my very large order of 2 cupcakes. Depending on what the Dr.'s office told them, they would fill the cupcakes with the appropriate colored icing and bada bing - upon receipt of these tasty treats, we could have our own gender revealing party thereby maximizing blue and pink buying power.

So after a long work week, Jimmi and I headed over to the OB's office for the moment of truth. Gender revealing or not, it's always fun to get to see the little alien's face as he grows inside of you. The Dr., his PA student, my love, and I all marveled how little "Henry" was sucking his thumb, and while we did so - he promptly removed his thumb and stuck out his tongue revealing if nothing else, the kid's got sass!  The next hour found us first at the bakery to retrieve our cupcakes and then at dinner. We found a small and very busy hamburger stand (I can't get enough cheeseburgers!) by the house and amidst the hustle and bustle that a place like this brings on a Friday night, got lost in each other for another one of life's simply perfect pleasures.

After stuffing our faces with gooey cheese and too many versions of french fries, it was time for dessert. We grabbed a waiter and explained the situation asking him to take some photos of the process. As we bit into our cupcakes we were both fairly certain of the outcome but it wasn't until we peeked at the blue frosting we knew for sure. The feeling was unreal, emotional, and so exciting all at the same time.
No "official" announcement has been made, but those we have told, ask if we're happy it's a boy? To that I say, "Of course I am!" Really, we're just happy he exists. I'm elated he's healthy and sassy, and surviving inside of me. Penis or vagina he is ours. He is something we created and eventually he's going to be a crazy little man who loves dirt or dolls and we're going to love him more everyday.
Some people make this moment a surprise in the delivery room, others choose to have a big party & reveal the news to everyone, some go cheap and buy 2 cupcakes to celebrate quietly together - no matter what you do or how you do it - just CELEBRATE it. Life is full of too many what if's and scary moments and judgement not to celebrate every body part, every smile, every occasion, every chance we get. And so we did.
Oh did I mention I'm growing a penis inside of me?? How many people can say that?

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Em

This photo captures it perfectly

HOLY $h!t - I'm pregnant (?!)

Ok so as week 19 strikes today...this is hardly news. But the further I get on this journey of growing the gender-uknown-being formerly known as "Poppyseed" who is currently referred to as "Henry" - the harder it is to believe that my husband and I are about to be parents....and the more I realize how UNPREPARED I AM FOR THIS CHILD!!! I believe I say this with delicate excitement - but you know, I'm still pretty terrifyingly ecstatic in all the right ways.

My husband is currently google searching which stroller is ideal, but aside from that we've done nothing to prep for this baby and I have a million questions/thoughts/concerns running through the very back of my brain (and they're getting closer) every day.
I can think of 5 things I need for the baby:
1.) A place to sleep: Crib
2.) A place to eat: Highchair
3.) A way to get around: Stroller - or a car - just pat him on the back and wish him luck?
4.) A way to transport: Carseat
5.) A way to bathe: Bath
Other than that - I AM CLUELESS!
What will the baby look like?
How scary is labor? I mean millions of human moms and animals do it every day so can it REALLY be that bad?
Will I still be able to work out?
Is it weird I think it's cool to eat the placenta? I mean in a capsule form of course! But that's a thing right?
How soon until the baby isn't a blob?
Can I take the baby to work out with me?
Do I get separate strollers for jogging vs errands?
Are we expected to cook meals when we have a baby or does a meal fairy show up with grocery's and a chef?
If I am supposed to meal prep - is it acceptable to have the baby strapped to me in some fashion while I do so? If so where can I find a flame retardant shield to place the baby in?
Will I ever sleep again?
A bear that mimics the sound of the womb?! Who thinks of these things? And where the hell do I get one?
What else don't I know?

...I receive 4,000 emails a day from Baby Center and the Nest and parenting.com and the What to Expect app and Babies r Us and - how the hell do these people know who I am?! What list am I supposed to trust? Are these websites sponsored?
Don't even get me started on how and when to feed the thing!
Primary colors stimulate a baby's brain more than pastels? Then why is every toy and blanket at target in pastels? Has target really made it this far not knowing this simple fact?
Now I hear baby socks can be dangerous - so do I not put socks on my baby's feet?
Will I really go days without bathing?
How will I ever work again?
Or sleep?
Or poop?
Or do yoga?!
I mean it's like the whole world prepares you for the worst of the worst while telling you its the greatest joy you'll ever experience. WTF does that even mean? It's a perfect oxy moron...And everyone who shares it with you says it with such confidence, and a smirk. A confidence that a year from now will probably make a whole lot more sense to me than it does today. I'm just hoping it's one of those prepare you for the worst things so you're pleasantly surprised when it's actually a walk in the park.
It's just been the 2 of us plus the puggle for 10 years - how the F am I supposed to incorporate another human?
Will I curb my sailor mouth tendencies?
Will I be a progressive mom who say's fuck it, 'bad words are for grown-up's not for babies - learn your role little one?' I mean SERIOUSLY?!
Or will I do the old bait and switch and start driving like a little old church lady who doesn't swear much less let her kid eat dirt? I can't bear the thought of not being me any more...

A lot of this I say with a smiling heart, and mild paranoia mixed with a ton of anticipatory excitement; but mostly I just realize that we are about to enter this world so completely unknown and I want to do it as right as I can.
So many unknowns but here is what I do know:
I know I already love this baby
I know that my husband and I are going to be bad ass parents one way or another
The nursery will get completed and I will get through labor
I will love this little poppyseed/henry/tiny human so much it hurts my heart and I cannot wait. I'm so "terrified" (see excited) we have been taking photos of my and babies growth since we found out of it's existence on October 5th.
You know what? Forget the unknown and the terrifying. I'm excited & the proof is in the pudding - i.e. the smiles seen below and the flutter my heart feels every time I talk about the baby.
We're going to do great.
Here's to living in the moment.

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Emily

October 5th at 5 weeks 4 days 

January 5th at 18 weeks 5 days

Intro to this blog & me

My name is Emily Lewis I am a retired nanny, with plans to be a financially- successful-entrepreneur, and writer as I push through my quest to be ok with imperfection.

I am preparing for the birth of my first child by pinning nursery pins (in primary colors!), scheduling hard-wood floor refinishes, sticking to the self induced family budget and having dreams of our fixer upper home suddenly affording the budget to rival June Cleaver's story book abode. As seems to be the cycle of life, I am in full life-transition mode and the whole darn picture is my Something to Look Forward to.  

For years, I have been tormented by my own visions of perfection i.e. Life living,  recipe creating, personal workout level, BLOG WRITING; and while I frequently pretend to write by doing so in my head, I have never felt worthy enough of actually sharing my experiences. As I grow older though;  I realize these 'something to look forward too's' of life are made up of a series of little things. Those are MY experiences and it's time I appreciate this simply wonderful life of mine.

I've always been really good at enjoying life but I have a history of doing so in hindsight.  I have a great amazing time doing anything simple like going for an adventurous drive - adventurous being a simple added element like stopping at  In-n-Out on the way; but I tend to do the enjoying later while I'm retelling the story or reminiscing via my iPhone photos. On the surface I'm usually concerned with logistics or my 28th calorie splurge of the week...

Join me as I as I finally start to grow up, live in the moment, and really hone in on life's simple pleasures, the little things.  Here's to all of our journey as the Not so Perfect Wife Perfect Life and the beauty in all that is.

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Em