Nice is Important

Simple statement, true story: NICE IS IMPORTANT.

Being nice is a relatively easy thing to be and the reward is so brilliant. It just takes some thought and a wee bit of selflessness (you can do that right?). And something magical happens: A ripple effect is created. 
Have you ever even considered the thought? 
A ripple effect from being nice. 
What a concept.

Don't believe me? Well humor me & think of the adverse for a second.

So not to confuse the 2 - we'll call it the negativity ring.
Someone, we'll say a barista at a coffee shop, is rude (as they are busy riding their own wave of the negativity ring). After you politely explain they made you the wrong drink, they correct the issue, but not before they snap at you in defense demanding you ordered incorrectly. 
Oh so now it's my fault!(?). 
We've all been there - on both the giving and receiving end of this. 
The not-so-happy-barista completes the transaction by slamming your drink down and storming away. You gather yourself and your whip-cream FREE latte and make your way to the parking lot, just as you initially intended. Only now you've got a sour taste in your mouth. The sour taste lingers as you drive away and you carry that with you to your next endeavor. Perhaps you drive a little more hastily and now you cut someone off. Maybe they're already having a bad day and they snap at their partner in the seat next to them because it's all they can do not to burst into tears. 
Whatever the scenario may be, you see how quickly it can happen. It's like a mean game of telephone but instead of a secret piece of gossip getting misunderstood - it's an angry virus that is transmitted through social interaction. 
But it doesn't have to be. A simple act of kindness can go just as far - if not even farther than an angry virus can. The concept of the ripple effect born from niceness, is exemplified perfectly in one of my favorite poems. I discovered it in a Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul book when I was about 15, and it has stuck with me ever since. 

The poem is called "Smile," and it goes like this:

"She smiled at a sorrowful stranger.

The smile seemed to make him feel better.

He remembered the past kindness of a friend.

and wrote a thank-you letter.

The friend was so pleased with the thank-you

that he left a large tip after lunch.

The waitress, surprised by the size of the tip,

bet the whole thing on a hunch.

The next day she picked up her winnings,

and gave part to a man on a street.

The man on the street was grateful;

for two days he'd had nothing to eat.

After he finished his dinner,

he left for his small dingy room.

(He didn't know at that moment

that he might be facing his doom.)

On the way he picked up a shivering puppy

and took him home to get warm.

The puppy was very grateful

to be in out of the storm.

That night the house caught on fire.

The puppy barked the alarm.

He barked 'til he woke the whole household

and saved everybody from harm.

One of the boys that he rescued

grew up to be President.

All this because of a simple smile

that hadn't cost a cent" 

(I can't figure out the author's name to save my life, so by all mean's if you can, please do, and let me know!)

Being nice may not always come naturally - or easily - but it goes such a long way. Besides what's that old adae you hear all the time? 

Everyone is fighting some sort of battle. Be kind. Always.

Recently I was temping at an office and I had a rather humanizing experiencing reminding me that I'm - oh yes - human and that I can stand to take my own worldly wisdom often (I write this stuff for me, not you). I saw the same woman every day and she could rarely squeeze out a smile, let alone make eye contact. I don't know what my deal was, but I made the mistake of speaking up to a colleague, "What is her problem? She seems so angry all the time...really unhappy & not very nice."

To which my colleague quickly replied,"She's actually really nice. I think she's very insecure about her personal situation. You should talk to her."

He was so right, and I was embarrassed I let myself go there.

The next day was a new day - a great day to be judgement free, to be selfless, to be nice. I saw her and instead of assuming and avoiding I said, "Good morning Claudia*! I am loving your dress!" I did - it hugged her in all the right places. 

And guess what? She stood a little taller, smoothed the non-existent wrinkles at her hips, smiled ear to ear looked at me and said, "Would you believe I got it at Ross?!" The conversation took off from there and when finished she had a new bounce to her step. She paraded around the office for the rest of the day as the best dressed woman in the office that she was. I saw that ripple effect first hand, and it didn't cost me a cent. 

Within the hour of this interaction, I made my way to the copy room where I saw a large and naked bulletin board that had been there all along but today I really saw it. It was empty of any fliers, reminders, company picnic announcements, or lost dog posters and one very powerful statement on it: NICE IS IMPORTANT. 

A reminder to all that Nice goes a long way. A simple truth that creates a magic ripple effect and doesn't cost a cent? Where do I sign? I WANT MORE. And you should too. Sometimes it can be hard, I know, but I think we can do it.

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,

Em

Eyeliner and Granny Panties

It's Valentines Day and to me just another day with a little extra bit of red sprinkled around the day and maybe some flowers if you're lucky. And I like that!  
In the week gearing up for this cheesy albeit Hallmarky (I think they're going out of business?? So sad) type holiday though, I have watched the self loathing pity posts exploding all over social media and you know what? I don't like that. Everyone can have their day of doom. Their moment out of the sun, fine; but, let me offer a different perspective: 

#1. If you're wearing your self loathing pity party anywhere near your sleeve - the rest of the world can smell and feel your desperate lonely self from a short mile away, making your prognosis for nailing down that perfect someone far from a reality. Harsh maybe, but true - lighten up! 

#2. It's just another day! Why go around souring it for everyone else? Pull yourself up and charge ahead - just for today.

#3. Shouldn't we be sharing the love in our hearts with everyone we come across everyday? Maybe those poor souls who don each other with diamonds and luxury limo buses on Valentine's day really just hate each other the rest of the year.  Tell yourself that and move on.
When it comes to that ol' heart of your - don't cry because it's broken or lonely, laugh because you've got one and you can! You're alive and the sun is shining - celebrate that! 

Know that I laugh out loud as I say this and want to assure you it's all in good fun. Just try not to be so sad because you don't have a Valentine. Or because you have to work. Or because you don't have a valentine AND you have to work. Oh the hell. Can you imagine? 

On the contrary to the negative posts, my social media was also filled some great attitudes from single female friends of mine and I had to share their perspectives which is nail-on-the-head what I'm saying. 

"Hilarious! Happy Valentine's Day to the rest of us!"

"Happy Valentine's Day to me! I do it for the chocolate!"

"Happy Valentine's Day to my special boys!!"

Maybe we could all take a hint front these ladies who find the humor, love or appreciation wherever they can and move onward. 
I know I know, I'm married. So who the F am I to say all of this BS about not whining on Valentine's Day? Well I'll tell you.  I'm someone who has shared Valentine's day with the same guy for 10 years. We've had good Valentine's and bad. We've had ones where he didn't even remember what day it was and I was pissed. We have had them when we both worked and didn't celebrate at all. To us it was always just another day. One with a little extra red sprinkled around and maybe some flowers if I was lucky. But I am ok with that and I encourage you to be the same. 
When in doubt do what I did - put on a dress and some eyeliner, grab a partner if you can, and smile pretty for a homemade selfie...what you don't know is I'm wearing flip flops on my feet and granny panties underneath. It's all about perspective my friends.

Eyeliner & Granny Panties

Good Night!

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Em

I lost my job and I don't know where to find it CONCLUSION: PART 2 of 2

Just like I don't want you to care that I have chosen to add children to my life, I really don't give two shoots when the contrary occurs and you choose to opt out of children. None of my business. What I will say; however, is those without kids probably don't get the timing and scheduling constraints that come with oh I don't know - children - not to mention giving birth...and these potential new employers of mine (sorry - I choose discretion - but I will tell you they are NOT actors, more behind the scenes type folk) were no exception to the rule.
Now law says I didn't have to tell them about my pregnancy (and since my 3rd and final interview found me in the living  room of this family, a mere 3 hours after THE Dr.'s appointment to begin all Dr.'s appointments - and I barely believed the news myself - no this was not the moment I chose to share) but because I was supposed to be on a book tour anywhere from Los Angeles to NYC the week I was due, I thought it was only right that I come forward about the growing poppy seed within me prior to accepting the position.  And so I did. They were prudent enough not to offer a hard-fast sayonara, but place the ball in my court and offered, "Hey - if you can make the travel dates - the gig is yours..." I offered many alternatives, but as luck would have it - whether that's literal or sarcastic luck I'm still not so sure - my alternatives did not offer a solution worthy of accepting the position and thus, I was still left jobless. Unemployed. Without work.
So you can scoot back in your seats now, the tail of me accepting - or not - this ever so seemingly glamorous yet not-so-in-the-slightest position, is over.  I did not accept the position and although maybe begrudgingly, it was ultimately my choice. As exciting of a story as this shaped up to be, though, this is not a tale of that!
This is a coming of age - or as this basketball continues to expand beneath my shirt - perhaps shape and size - story (or should I say battle?)  I have within me about the fact that I am of a certain decade and completely unemployed...CORRECTION I work one day a week for my sweet husband at his company. And that's just nice. But certainly not what I had *ahem* PLANNED. A decade ago, when I pictured myself so many years out of college, and living in Los Angeles I did not foresee unemployment. Aside from movie stardom - I'm not really sure what I saw.  My mind's eye had me putting a career of some worth on hold to give birth and then possibly return later left to battle the stress of leaving my infant behind; or hell even succeeding enough in my entrepreneurial endeavors (more on those later) enough so that I could remain a stay at home mom and come back to my own business at my leisure with my little one on my lap. Ahhh the fantasy's. I never planned for this. I never anticipated being jobless.  But look - that's where my cards landed.
As my gait takes on a new swagger while I lean into my haunches a little bit more than usual and my belly protrudes - interviewing without prejudice becomes increasingly more difficult. My pregnancy hit 6 months today, and the writing on the wall is becoming more and more clear to interpret. The chances of me landing that dream job, or finding a new career path at this exact moment in my life, are slim.  And you know what? (as I heave a big & resolute sigh) I'm going to make a choice to be ok with that. Sure, it wasn't in my plans. G'head God - laugh it up buddy. I'm not saying I give up - but universes's would have to collide in order for things to go just so.
 On that note - if you've got the power to make any universe collide - I should remind you, I'm pregnant, not dead!
I once left what some might consider a dream job to pursue my entrepreneurial dream of owning a dessert company (are we seeing a trend??) and when I did, it was a calculated decision (which brings this whole thing full circle back on down to nanny-ville). A decision in which I had to ultimately put money, comfort, and conventional life choices on the back burner while I charged ahead with belief in myself. When I did so - I found this amazing vinyl sticker online, a quote by Mark Twain, I posted it in my office and to this day it remains there. Reminding me to have some faith in the choices I have made.

About 7 months ago, Jimmi and I made a decision to start trying for some kidlets. I never dreamed I would blink and be knocked up - but here we are. I have stressed and pulled my hair out. Cried and questioned my decision of turning certain opportunities down while simultaneously pushing down the excitement of becoming a mom. No more. I am going to live in this moment. Celebrate my pregnancy and then the birth of this baby boy and begin to watch him grow. I have every intention of returning to the work force and doing something phenomenal with my career and I can't wait. It could be tomorrow. It could be next year. It could be the day he graduates high school. For now - I'm going to choose to CELEBRATE. Life doesn't allot for too much of that: celebration. So put your party hats on kids. I'm unemployed. I am growing the life of a baby boy. 

I'm not dead. I'm just pregnant. 

Thank you for taking the journey with me as I learn to accept my current state of affairs. 

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,

Emily

I lost my job & I don't know where to find it! --------- PART 1 of 2

Being a nanny for so many years (more on why 'nanny' later),  I decided I was ready for a career transformation. I wanted a new career, a new path, and the opportunities to develop the many skills I had only grazed the surface on throughout previous employment at fancy schmancy corporations in my years since college graduation. While working for one family,  I was quietly researching career opportunities and interviewing, even turning down job offers (!) looking for the perfect fit. After all, I had a job, time wasn't of the essence, and I was not in any mood to settle.

Well the joke was on me ultimately when in late August of 2014, my boss of 3+ years casually mentioned that he would no longer need my services come October. WHAT?! But I - was going to quit YOU! Not the other way around...SHIT.  This was not part of the plan. Have you heard the saying, "When you make plans, God laughs?" At times like this, I think I'm his best entertainment! Now, normally when one loses their job, they might collect unemployment and/or seek out the same position at the next best company and simply move onward and upward. Unfortunately for me, since I was paid under the table - which is all fun & games until you lose your job - (red faced emoji), and in the midst of transforming my career, neither of these were an option for me. It was time to hustle. I had 5 maybe 6 weeks to find a job replacement, and now I was suddenly feeling sorry for the positions I had turned down.

I had been an assistant, an administrative assistant, an administrative executive, an executive  assistant, and a NANNY for so long and while most of these positions paid rather well and even offered job flexibility - I never felt I was working toward anything! I was tired of taking orders and fulfilling them for all sorts of execs and doing a damn good job at it all while knowing I wasn't reaching my potential in any facet. This was killing my spirit.

I said more on why 'nanny' would come later, but for a small pieces of insight: I have been an entrepreneur and creative mess since as far back as I can remember. I never wanted to work for the proverbial man - I wanted to create for me.  After appeasing my parents with that good ol' college degree, I made the decision to work these sorts of jobs because I wouldn't have to bring my work home with me so to speak. I could work, get paid a reasonable salary, and still have time to come home and create...
...but when I scored an interview with a Hollywood super couple almost immediately after receiving the 'we're through with you news' from my boss, I didn't exactly mind that I was headed back down the same old path of assistance. Should I land this position I would be traveling around the world, I would be making more money than I had ever made before, and I would have the added grueling task of having to house-sit the Malibu barbie dream home 2 weeks in the summers. I was willing to bend my expectations. I started a round of interviews, prepared to get the job. I was determined to fight for it whilst keeping my expectations of growth clear. I wanted to be upfront and go in with integrity.
The first week of October brings not only my last day as a nanny but the much anticipated 3rd interview. The night before I head into the interview something magical happens which sends me to the Dr. the following afternoon. By magical I mean - I find out we are expecting this albeit cute and exciting - but totally untimely little bundle of joy.

I nail the interview.
The job is mine.
They need me to begin a 9 city book tour!
...the week I am due.
What was that about integrity?
Oh yeah B T Dubs new employers
I'm pregnant...

Assuming I haven't lost you yet - I'll keep you on the edge of your seat until tomorrow.

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Em

What true love looks li - BOOBS!

Last week I read a beautiful love story: A couple, Jimmy & Billie Breland, whom had been married for over 60 years, was but 1/2 of what they once were, as Billie passed away and left her husband a widower. Famous amongst her family for once writing special tokens down in form of the note, Billie had recorded quotes, memorable moments, and loving thoughts down forever.  It was a special trait of hers and one that even after she passed away would leave Jimmy feeling warm and still loved by his wife for she had one more surprise up her sleeve. She left a note for Jimmy to find hidden in her checkbook - in which she seemingly spoke to him from beyond the grave and gave him what I can only imagine was solace and comfort ensuring she wasn't far away. She wrote: 

Don't cry because I died! Smile because I lived! 

Know that I am in a happy place! 

Know that we will meet again! 

I'll see you there! 

I read this story and it broke my heart in all the right ways. I love my husband so much and it's only been 10 years - a third of my life! I can't even fathom the love I will have for him after spending twice the amount of time I've lived now, and at that point three fourths of my life, and then living life without him - and it touched me. It moved me to tears. I contemplated for a moment what that must be like. The best I could come up with is it's probably like functioning normally for 50 + years, and then waking up one morning and trying to take a step without your left leg.  It seems impossible because you've lived with this strong and supportive beam for so long and now it's just gone. I don't want to think about it anymore than I have. Not now - not for many many decades to come. We are both happy and healthy and in love and that's it.

Enough of the sap. Sometimes it's hard to love a man! The same man in the same ways day after day. Some days I want to run. Sometimes I want to scream - "ARE YOU ALWAYS GOING TO THINK FARTING IS FUNNY?! LIKE ALWAYS? CAUSE IT'S NOT!" Women want their men to be men when it comes to lifting heavy objects, having a deep stern voice to threaten the bad guys, and of course when it comes to rolling around in bed or on the kitchen table - but we can't stand it when men act like men outside of that. Isn't that funny? When they look at the boobs or ass on another woman, they laugh at dumb humor like Monty Python, or scream at the television during football season while you're trying to have a very subtle conversation about finances, the whole "MAN" thing can be exasperating...Oh us ladies, I'll admit, are so hard to please. My Jimmi has many attributes and habits (I'm assuming) that I would rather know nothing about. "Just do your thing, and I'll do mine," we don't have to discuss and share everything.  

I like to check out the Christian Gryy's of the world, and I know he - the Carmen Electra's - but we don't have to talk about it with each other. There is this man site that he conveniently has an app for and he's on it like I'm on Facebook: TOO MUCH. It's called the Chive. While I'll admit there can be some cute photos of animals here and there, it's mostly a man site filled with photos and videos to entertain the stereo typical man (see boobs, football, beer, 'the gap' ---> if you don't know you don't want to). As I check out thechive.com right now, the top string of photos is appropriately titled "Too Much Silicone or Not Enough?" and the one right after that, "Sooo....you got wasted." 

Being the support beam that he is, Jimmi and I spend a lot of time together. He is always tapping me so I can check out the latest cute, funny or wildly inappropriate photo on his beloved app. Mostly I do appreciate the share, I'm just glad I didn't have to sift through all the cleavage to get there. The other day he taps my shoulder to share and as his eyes are nearly pumping hearts out of them - I'm surprised to learn the share is coming from The Chive. He passes me his phone and I see this: 

the same beautiful note left by Billie Breland to her husband before she passed away. I exclaimed, "I read that on the Today Show last week!" He replied with, "It's just such beautiful story..." And I knew that he meant it. I knew he meant it because he understands true love and the support beam analogy and he knows how much finding this note would mean to him 50+ years from now should I pass away before him. And that to me, is just beautiful. I'll take all of your many habits including boob loving and fart smelling that I must just to hold on to this. Deep down you're a man, a human, my man, and while you may not true love the same way that I true love - you do love and that's what counts...

The en - PECS! 

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,

Em