Now law says I didn't have to tell them about my pregnancy (and since my 3rd and final interview found me in the living room of this family, a mere 3 hours after THE Dr.'s appointment to begin all Dr.'s appointments - and I barely believed the news myself - no this was not the moment I chose to share) but because I was supposed to be on a book tour anywhere from Los Angeles to NYC the week I was due, I thought it was only right that I come forward about the growing poppy seed within me prior to accepting the position. And so I did. They were prudent enough not to offer a hard-fast sayonara, but place the ball in my court and offered, "Hey - if you can make the travel dates - the gig is yours..." I offered many alternatives, but as luck would have it - whether that's literal or sarcastic luck I'm still not so sure - my alternatives did not offer a solution worthy of accepting the position and thus, I was still left jobless. Unemployed. Without work.
So you can scoot back in your seats now, the tail of me accepting - or not - this ever so seemingly glamorous yet not-so-in-the-slightest position, is over. I did not accept the position and although maybe begrudgingly, it was ultimately my choice. As exciting of a story as this shaped up to be, though, this is not a tale of that!
This is a coming of age - or as this basketball continues to expand beneath my shirt - perhaps shape and size - story (or should I say battle?) I have within me about the fact that I am of a certain decade and completely unemployed...CORRECTION I work one day a week for my sweet husband at his company. And that's just nice. But certainly not what I had *ahem* PLANNED. A decade ago, when I pictured myself so many years out of college, and living in Los Angeles I did not foresee unemployment. Aside from movie stardom - I'm not really sure what I saw. My mind's eye had me putting a career of some worth on hold to give birth and then possibly return later left to battle the stress of leaving my infant behind; or hell even succeeding enough in my entrepreneurial endeavors (more on those later) enough so that I could remain a stay at home mom and come back to my own business at my leisure with my little one on my lap. Ahhh the fantasy's. I never planned for this. I never anticipated being jobless. But look - that's where my cards landed.
As my gait takes on a new swagger while I lean into my haunches a little bit more than usual and my belly protrudes - interviewing without prejudice becomes increasingly more difficult. My pregnancy hit 6 months today, and the writing on the wall is becoming more and more clear to interpret. The chances of me landing that dream job, or finding a new career path at this exact moment in my life, are slim. And you know what? (as I heave a big & resolute sigh) I'm going to make a choice to be ok with that. Sure, it wasn't in my plans. G'head God - laugh it up buddy. I'm not saying I give up - but universes's would have to collide in order for things to go just so.
On that note - if you've got the power to make any universe collide - I should remind you, I'm pregnant, not dead!
I once left what some might consider a dream job to pursue my entrepreneurial dream of owning a dessert company (are we seeing a trend??) and when I did, it was a calculated decision (which brings this whole thing full circle back on down to nanny-ville). A decision in which I had to ultimately put money, comfort, and conventional life choices on the back burner while I charged ahead with belief in myself. When I did so - I found this amazing vinyl sticker online, a quote by Mark Twain, I posted it in my office and to this day it remains there. Reminding me to have some faith in the choices I have made.
About 7 months ago, Jimmi and I made a decision to start trying for some kidlets. I never dreamed I would blink and be knocked up - but here we are. I have stressed and pulled my hair out. Cried and questioned my decision of turning certain opportunities down while simultaneously pushing down the excitement of becoming a mom. No more. I am going to live in this moment. Celebrate my pregnancy and then the birth of this baby boy and begin to watch him grow. I have every intention of returning to the work force and doing something phenomenal with my career and I can't wait. It could be tomorrow. It could be next year. It could be the day he graduates high school. For now - I'm going to choose to CELEBRATE. Life doesn't allot for too much of that: celebration. So put your party hats on kids. I'm unemployed. I am growing the life of a baby boy.
I'm not dead. I'm just pregnant.
Thank you for taking the journey with me as I learn to accept my current state of affairs.
...and her life was Simply wonderful
All my very best,
Emily
