Turns out I'm growing a penis...

Ha! Made you look - but let's get real I AM growing a penis!! And that is just really bizarre when you think about it.
Yes, on Friday January 9th, Jimmi and I found out we are having a baby boy!

Whether you've been/are pregnant, intend on it, or never plan on it you should know that as soon as the world hears of this news - as a woman you will receive two - which turn out to be VERY redundant - questions:
1.) Are you going to breastfeed? (um hello none of your business?!)

&

2.) Are you going to find out the gender? (um hello why do you care Nosy Rosy?)

From the beginning I always thought it would be fun to carry a somewhat unknown species around for 9 months...making everyone guess what color onesies and binky's to buy IT. I've never been into the super gender specific's anyway - too much of anything (see baby pink or baby blue) makes me gag.  But Jimmi had other plans. He said he knows me and I'd NEVER be able to pull off holding out until delivery to find out the gender - that it would drive me Crazy McCrazerson NOT to know...but lezbreal - he was totally reflecting his own impatient apprehension onto little ol' me!
So long ago we decided that when the time came we would find out.

In order to keep somewhat of the surprise though, we (I) decided to notify the Dr.'s office that if they were able to detect any specifics, to keep it to themselves and call our bakery with the news. 

yah - I have a bakery. 

Cause you know,  that's how we do it in LA: 

My bakery, my masseuse, my stylist, my yoga instructor, 

 My psychic, my pet's psychic, etc! 

I called ahead to Susie Cakes (see BEST cupcakes eVer) to place my very large order of 2 cupcakes. Depending on what the Dr.'s office told them, they would fill the cupcakes with the appropriate colored icing and bada bing - upon receipt of these tasty treats, we could have our own gender revealing party thereby maximizing blue and pink buying power.

So after a long work week, Jimmi and I headed over to the OB's office for the moment of truth. Gender revealing or not, it's always fun to get to see the little alien's face as he grows inside of you. The Dr., his PA student, my love, and I all marveled how little "Henry" was sucking his thumb, and while we did so - he promptly removed his thumb and stuck out his tongue revealing if nothing else, the kid's got sass!  The next hour found us first at the bakery to retrieve our cupcakes and then at dinner. We found a small and very busy hamburger stand (I can't get enough cheeseburgers!) by the house and amidst the hustle and bustle that a place like this brings on a Friday night, got lost in each other for another one of life's simply perfect pleasures.

After stuffing our faces with gooey cheese and too many versions of french fries, it was time for dessert. We grabbed a waiter and explained the situation asking him to take some photos of the process. As we bit into our cupcakes we were both fairly certain of the outcome but it wasn't until we peeked at the blue frosting we knew for sure. The feeling was unreal, emotional, and so exciting all at the same time.
No "official" announcement has been made, but those we have told, ask if we're happy it's a boy? To that I say, "Of course I am!" Really, we're just happy he exists. I'm elated he's healthy and sassy, and surviving inside of me. Penis or vagina he is ours. He is something we created and eventually he's going to be a crazy little man who loves dirt or dolls and we're going to love him more everyday.
Some people make this moment a surprise in the delivery room, others choose to have a big party & reveal the news to everyone, some go cheap and buy 2 cupcakes to celebrate quietly together - no matter what you do or how you do it - just CELEBRATE it. Life is full of too many what if's and scary moments and judgement not to celebrate every body part, every smile, every occasion, every chance we get. And so we did.
Oh did I mention I'm growing a penis inside of me?? How many people can say that?

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Em

This photo captures it perfectly

HOLY $h!t - I'm pregnant (?!)

Ok so as week 19 strikes today...this is hardly news. But the further I get on this journey of growing the gender-uknown-being formerly known as "Poppyseed" who is currently referred to as "Henry" - the harder it is to believe that my husband and I are about to be parents....and the more I realize how UNPREPARED I AM FOR THIS CHILD!!! I believe I say this with delicate excitement - but you know, I'm still pretty terrifyingly ecstatic in all the right ways.

My husband is currently google searching which stroller is ideal, but aside from that we've done nothing to prep for this baby and I have a million questions/thoughts/concerns running through the very back of my brain (and they're getting closer) every day.
I can think of 5 things I need for the baby:
1.) A place to sleep: Crib
2.) A place to eat: Highchair
3.) A way to get around: Stroller - or a car - just pat him on the back and wish him luck?
4.) A way to transport: Carseat
5.) A way to bathe: Bath
Other than that - I AM CLUELESS!
What will the baby look like?
How scary is labor? I mean millions of human moms and animals do it every day so can it REALLY be that bad?
Will I still be able to work out?
Is it weird I think it's cool to eat the placenta? I mean in a capsule form of course! But that's a thing right?
How soon until the baby isn't a blob?
Can I take the baby to work out with me?
Do I get separate strollers for jogging vs errands?
Are we expected to cook meals when we have a baby or does a meal fairy show up with grocery's and a chef?
If I am supposed to meal prep - is it acceptable to have the baby strapped to me in some fashion while I do so? If so where can I find a flame retardant shield to place the baby in?
Will I ever sleep again?
A bear that mimics the sound of the womb?! Who thinks of these things? And where the hell do I get one?
What else don't I know?

...I receive 4,000 emails a day from Baby Center and the Nest and parenting.com and the What to Expect app and Babies r Us and - how the hell do these people know who I am?! What list am I supposed to trust? Are these websites sponsored?
Don't even get me started on how and when to feed the thing!
Primary colors stimulate a baby's brain more than pastels? Then why is every toy and blanket at target in pastels? Has target really made it this far not knowing this simple fact?
Now I hear baby socks can be dangerous - so do I not put socks on my baby's feet?
Will I really go days without bathing?
How will I ever work again?
Or sleep?
Or poop?
Or do yoga?!
I mean it's like the whole world prepares you for the worst of the worst while telling you its the greatest joy you'll ever experience. WTF does that even mean? It's a perfect oxy moron...And everyone who shares it with you says it with such confidence, and a smirk. A confidence that a year from now will probably make a whole lot more sense to me than it does today. I'm just hoping it's one of those prepare you for the worst things so you're pleasantly surprised when it's actually a walk in the park.
It's just been the 2 of us plus the puggle for 10 years - how the F am I supposed to incorporate another human?
Will I curb my sailor mouth tendencies?
Will I be a progressive mom who say's fuck it, 'bad words are for grown-up's not for babies - learn your role little one?' I mean SERIOUSLY?!
Or will I do the old bait and switch and start driving like a little old church lady who doesn't swear much less let her kid eat dirt? I can't bear the thought of not being me any more...

A lot of this I say with a smiling heart, and mild paranoia mixed with a ton of anticipatory excitement; but mostly I just realize that we are about to enter this world so completely unknown and I want to do it as right as I can.
So many unknowns but here is what I do know:
I know I already love this baby
I know that my husband and I are going to be bad ass parents one way or another
The nursery will get completed and I will get through labor
I will love this little poppyseed/henry/tiny human so much it hurts my heart and I cannot wait. I'm so "terrified" (see excited) we have been taking photos of my and babies growth since we found out of it's existence on October 5th.
You know what? Forget the unknown and the terrifying. I'm excited & the proof is in the pudding - i.e. the smiles seen below and the flutter my heart feels every time I talk about the baby.
We're going to do great.
Here's to living in the moment.

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Emily

October 5th at 5 weeks 4 days 

January 5th at 18 weeks 5 days

12:06 am

SO typical.
New year - big goals. Start a blog. Write every day.
January 1st - my 1st entry how poetic of a beginning!
Slow down though - Lewis, I tell myself: remember - this time, I'm going practice being ok with imperfection. I refuse to NOT write because I am fearful of not getting it right. Not making sense. Not adding up.  So here we go................................................
January 1st - I start off with a bang.
The new year is like my blank canvas and I am pouring rich paint all over it with fury and creativity. I'm uninhibited. I'm mesmerized by my thoughts. I am so inspired.  I can't type fast enough!

Then I go in for edits...and rewrites...and deletion's...and proofs...and read aloud my 1st entry to my poor unsuspecting husband over, and over again...

After 2 hours the 3rd read through,  I am yet to publish....when I finally do - it's 12:06 am, on January 2nd! Ah!! The unevenness of this is killing my little perfection craving ironic self. I actually contemplate not starting until NEXT January 1st. Because New Year - Jan 1 - 1st blog entry ---------
But then it hits me like me banging my head on the table (as I actually and dramatically drop my head to the table) - THIS is poetic. This is imperfection. This - is me celebrating it.

And that's what it's all about.

Happy New Year - on January 3rd dammit

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Em

Intro to this blog & me

My name is Emily Lewis I am a retired nanny, with plans to be a financially- successful-entrepreneur, and writer as I push through my quest to be ok with imperfection.

I am preparing for the birth of my first child by pinning nursery pins (in primary colors!), scheduling hard-wood floor refinishes, sticking to the self induced family budget and having dreams of our fixer upper home suddenly affording the budget to rival June Cleaver's story book abode. As seems to be the cycle of life, I am in full life-transition mode and the whole darn picture is my Something to Look Forward to.  

For years, I have been tormented by my own visions of perfection i.e. Life living,  recipe creating, personal workout level, BLOG WRITING; and while I frequently pretend to write by doing so in my head, I have never felt worthy enough of actually sharing my experiences. As I grow older though;  I realize these 'something to look forward too's' of life are made up of a series of little things. Those are MY experiences and it's time I appreciate this simply wonderful life of mine.

I've always been really good at enjoying life but I have a history of doing so in hindsight.  I have a great amazing time doing anything simple like going for an adventurous drive - adventurous being a simple added element like stopping at  In-n-Out on the way; but I tend to do the enjoying later while I'm retelling the story or reminiscing via my iPhone photos. On the surface I'm usually concerned with logistics or my 28th calorie splurge of the week...

Join me as I as I finally start to grow up, live in the moment, and really hone in on life's simple pleasures, the little things.  Here's to all of our journey as the Not so Perfect Wife Perfect Life and the beauty in all that is.

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Em