I just got checked by the universe.............

Picture this: a hot, young mom, pulls out of her driveway with her infant son in the back & her long blonde hair blows in the wind. This would be me...only reader beware - before you start the envy, make the following edits:
Place the word 'mess' after 'hot.' 
Assume 'young' means my child is young and I am still very much learning. 
Replace the word 'pulls,' with 'squeals.' 
Sneak 'unbrushed' between words 'long' & 'blonde. ' 
Understand that my hair was only blowing in the wind because my windows were down in an attempt to drown out the stench of my son's freshly loaded diaper....
I mean you're catching what I'm throwing here right? Glamorous doesn't begin to cover how picturesque my life is. Ha. 

It's true, I am squealing out of the driveway because it's 10:21 & my son's 9 month check up has been rescheduled for today at 10:30, because I missed yesterday's appointment because with all that is this life, I forgot - and - NOT TODAY! Not again, at least. He is upset because, well diaper, and he's screaming which is only adding to the chaos. I'm driving down the street like a bat of hell when we get to a green arrow (my favorite traffic signal EVER) and of the 2 cars in front of me, one is waiting for her top coat to dry & the other is eating a 4 course breakfast...or something - but whatever it is, THEY AREN'T DRIVING! Don't these bitches know we have somewhere to be?! So I honk and wave and say, "Let's go people! The light is green!!" We are all driving up the street now and I've decided I hope they see I'm headed en route to the Dr.'s so they feel badly they made me wait...no really. I'm actually having these thoughts. It's kind of ridiculous, but in the spirit of authenticity - there ya go...

We manage to get to the Dr.'s office all in one piece. The baby is sucking his thumb & has calmed in the backseat. I've managed to get here on time (& how did I manage that?!) & find close parking. I grab the monkey man (baby), our luggage (or so it would seem) and trek to the front door of the building. A tall, fatherly figure, whom I would guess to be Haitian, is kindly holding the door for us; I have a baby after all. He says something to someone on the elevator & I realize he is speaking to his son, who mind you, is following in his father's footsteps and holding the elevator door open for a teeny old lady who is moving slowly as she pushes a walker, he is asking his son to continue to hold the elevator for me and dad says to son, "Please hold for the mother & baby..." We all load up. My son is taking it all in, smiling at everyone on the elevator & I am catching my breath...
And [finally] climbing out of my head space to observe my surroundings. 

The man's son is about 15 years old. He's a full grown boy, somewhere between 5'10 & 6 ft tall I would presume. He has a brace supporting his entire torso. It starts at his hips and works its way up on either side of his rib cage. It hugs either side of his chest & back. Eventually the brace sprawls its way around the boys neck so that his head is completely stationary. His right arm is fully extended, and this brace, this piece of equipment that appears to be holding the boy's body together, extends all the way to the very tip of his middle finger, with joints & webbing spanning across his hand, wrist, elbow, shoulder and back to his torso. Its made of many pieces of metal & plastic & foam. The boy couldn't possibly be comfortable but he stands so I can see his profile, and he's smirking at my son, in an attempt to keep him smiling. Four of the five of us were getting out on the 2nd floor, pediatrics. The father & his son exit the elevator with my son & me. The father lingers for a moment & asks the elderly woman if she's sure she's got it from there, ensuring her he'd be happy to help her get to her destination. She is gracious but insists she will be fine & makes a broad statement to have a good day, raising a shaky hand to wave goodbye to the infant on board. 

The father and son entered the first office off the elevator which is a nationally recognized burn center. I am observing only what I've seen thus far and from one parent to the next, I look at the father and offer an encouraging smile telling him my heart is with him. I gently whispered to him, "poor thing," only to offer empathy and a hint of understanding. Understanding that if that were my son, I too would be instilling good manners but that I get what it's like to love a child...I actually get that. And for that pain & that kind of love, I'm sorry. The son turns to look at me for the first time, and I see that half of this beauty's face is severely burned, as his neck, and from the small amount of skin showing at the end of his brace, his hand. I can't tell you what has happened to this teenager but I can tell you it will be, and has already, been a long road to recovery. 

From entering the building to arriving on the 2nd floor, the whole thing couldn't have taken longer than 20 seconds. But it was 20 seconds, this spaz of a woman, this rushed mom with a false sense of high importance, REALLY needed. I quickly realized that none of this other bullshit matters! Tardiness doesn't matter, slow cars don't matter. What's the worst that would have happened if we were late to the Dr.'s appointment? I would have had to reschedule? Maybe if the office was in some sort of special mood, they would have charged me for a visit?? It doesn't matter. What matters is our health. Our safety. Our good manners. Our kind ways. Our love for one another. The fact we are alive and it's all going to be ok. These are the things that matter. I try to live to these philosophies as a rule, but sometimes I forget. I'm hurried or I'm overwhelmed and I stumble. It happens, I'm fallible...hard to believe but it's true! I make mistakes & I don't always know how to correct them. I believe in evolution though, and I believe that for every action there is an equal & opposite reaction & I believe this interaction with this father & son duo; teaming up to offer politeness & kindness wherever they go, was the universe speaking to me from another dimension, reminding me to slow the fuck down. 
Take a deep breath. 
Breathe. 
Calm. 
Be. 
And it will all be, ok. 
Ok? 
Ok...

Be wonderful and your life will follow. 

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Emily 

Non-Mom's We Need to Have a Talk...................... (11 Simple Rules to Being Friends with a New Mom)

A while back, when my baby was a mere 3 months old, and I hadn't started working yet, I was a sad case. I was lonely. Somedays I was sad. I was bored. My intelligence was dulling, and I needed people.  I needed my friends, badly...I was flaked on 4 times throughout the course of 1 week (yah how's that for the old ego?).  I'm a relatively easy going person, that being said, I completely understand life happens: exhaustion, work, sadly even death happens. But here's what can't happen: We have plans, I look forward to the plans of breaking out of my mommy monotony & you call me a couple hours - maybe even the morning prior to said plans, and you bail. No. Not okay friend! As a new mom I respectfully request that you don't blow me off  (blah blah blah - unless you've got a really good reason to).  I realize it's not personal, but it still sucks. As a new mom, my life is so different, I have needs and although I'm not able to meet your needs all the time right now, I promise, the day you pop a little one out - girl - I've got your back.

In the mean time, here are a few things you're going to need to know about the rules and expectations us new mom's have when it comes to this friendship

1. IF you make plans with us, know that we are grateful.  I realize I'm not the barrel of fun I used to be. I'm a chaotic mess barely hanging on and mostly look like a train wreck so the fact you've offered your free time to entertain me - is beyond. That and any human interaction aside from what we have with baby daddy, is so so valued. Being able to talk about something other than sleep schedules and poop frequency (it's true - it happens guys), is like a vacation. Making plans though, means you've got to stick with them. If you can't make the date, or there's a chance you will have to cancel -  tell me! I'll force myself to be ok with that but communication is key. I look forward to getting away from baby babble and if you stand me up - you break my heart. I'm already lonely and quite bored - I'm counting on our 2 hour meet up to keep my sanity for the rest of the day; maybe even the rest of my week.

2. Never show up without wine or coffee. Because you're such a good friend you're going to ask me if there's anything I need & because I don't want to impose or maybe because I can't think that far in advance, inevitably I will tell you no - just bring your diaper free self....but let's be real. I am tired. I am cranky. I am thirsty. I look forward to wine o'clock and if it's too early (but really what is too early anyway?) I rely on coffee to get me through the day, sue me.

3. Bring us your drama. Please. I don't get out much. I know the cracks on my ceiling, the number of tiles in my bathroom, and the number of spit up towels NOT on hand when I need them. Sure my baby is adorable and exciting but I don't want to talk about the baby. I don't want to talk baby talk. I want to talk about you. I want to hear about your dates, where you ate last night, and your take on what rap sounds like this week.

4. Encourage us! If I am going back to work, or scared or if I have the next big idea and I'm sharing it with you - tell me to go for it! Encourage me! Short of introducing nap time, I haven't had a good idea in months. I want to know I've still got it - that I count. That maybe one day I can contribute to society again. 

5. Tell us we're doing a great job as a mom. That's it - that's all. If you think (even for a split second) that I'm doing a good job, please tell me because I'm questioning EVERY MOVE I MAKE.

6. If we bitch about something - listen. Hear me. It could be my husband, it could be about the baby, it could be about sore boobs. Just be there, hold my hand, and prop your shoulder up right under my head. I need you.

7. You want to hold the baby? Hold him! I hold him all day er'y day - you can't hog him. I will let you hold him as long as you want. Hold on friend. Hold on.
     7 a.) I won't ask for him back so when you're tired of holding him - just give him back. Let's not force me to do the obligatory, "do you want me to take him?" 

8. Do NOT under ANY circumstances - NEVER NEVER EVER EVER offer your negative or questioning opinion on anything parenting we are doing; unless I happen to ask - which I won't, so just don't. Because if you do, I promise you will unleash the beast. Every thing I do, every decision I have made has been well thought out - researched more than anything can be researched, and I am making the best decision I can for my baby, for my family, for myself, and I certainly don't need your input. 

...Oh you had a friend that did what and it worked? Oh???? 

...yeah I don't care. Not one bit, and now you've irritated me. 

As nice you think I am, here's what I'm doing behind my smile and bright eyes while you ramble, "...and how many children have you had? None? Oh yeah? That's cool and your opinion means jack diddley shit to me. So can you please just STFU?" 

9. Don't talk shit about another mom and expect us to agree with you. If there's one thing I've learned through this whole child rearing process (so far), it's that every body tries really hard to do the right thing. You just don't know until you know. So if you're going to come over here and tell me your thoughts on how so and so parents/disciplines/gives in, you best believe she has me on her side. This parenting business is really really beyond the hardest thing you can imagine. Unless someone is really dismantling their child's future by truly being shitty, you're not getting my vote. 

10. This is somewhat of a reprise of request #1 but IF you wanna hang - you've got to stick to the schedule. You see, I know you think I'm just wandering around the house waiting for you to show up and entertain me (dance monkey dance!) but the truth is I am running around trying to coordinate his naps, his feedings, his hygiene, his entrainment, my hygiene, maybe even a snack for myself, and I don't have time for you to be running an hour late or show an hour early! I may have been spontaneous once upon a long time ago, but now everything in my day is meticulously thought out and planned for. You showing up when you please doesn't suit me, and it definitely doesn't suit the baby. Please, when we make plans for noon, be here at noon, not 11:30, not 1:15. 

11. Please remember this: We had a baby, we are not dead. For awhile, possibly a few years, I'll be scarce or maybe even absent; but I'm still here.  I'm still me. Just me with a bed time. Me who actually chooses to put someone else's needs above my own, and I love it. If you choose to stick by me during this most transitional time in my life, it will never be forgotten. They say if you want to know who your true friends are, have a baby. You see, above all other plans of fancy vacations, and Louboutins, raises,  freedom and mystery - I knew I wanted a baby. Ever since I was playing with those cabbage patch kids hoping so badly they would come to life, I knew I wanted this, and I have worked to create a life that would bring it to me. Either support me or don't but don't lead me on. I will be back.

The bottom line is you don't get it. I know it because it wasn't until I was elbows deep in spit up, poop, pee, and unable to hear my inner thoughts of doubt through his screams of new born despair, and all I wanted to do was hold him and not run away. I don't expect you to get it. I swear it. All I ask is that if you are going to be my friend, commit, and be it. Don't judge me. Don't blow me off. Love me. Support me. Be a friend.

Thank you for listening. We need you now more than we ever have.

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,
Me, a new mom - on behalf of other new moms, 
Emily

me drunk on a cruise ship in Greece BB
(before baby)

Nice is Important

Simple statement, true story: NICE IS IMPORTANT.

Being nice is a relatively easy thing to be and the reward is so brilliant. It just takes some thought and a wee bit of selflessness (you can do that right?). And something magical happens: A ripple effect is created. 
Have you ever even considered the thought? 
A ripple effect from being nice. 
What a concept.

Don't believe me? Well humor me & think of the adverse for a second.

So not to confuse the 2 - we'll call it the negativity ring.
Someone, we'll say a barista at a coffee shop, is rude (as they are busy riding their own wave of the negativity ring). After you politely explain they made you the wrong drink, they correct the issue, but not before they snap at you in defense demanding you ordered incorrectly. 
Oh so now it's my fault!(?). 
We've all been there - on both the giving and receiving end of this. 
The not-so-happy-barista completes the transaction by slamming your drink down and storming away. You gather yourself and your whip-cream FREE latte and make your way to the parking lot, just as you initially intended. Only now you've got a sour taste in your mouth. The sour taste lingers as you drive away and you carry that with you to your next endeavor. Perhaps you drive a little more hastily and now you cut someone off. Maybe they're already having a bad day and they snap at their partner in the seat next to them because it's all they can do not to burst into tears. 
Whatever the scenario may be, you see how quickly it can happen. It's like a mean game of telephone but instead of a secret piece of gossip getting misunderstood - it's an angry virus that is transmitted through social interaction. 
But it doesn't have to be. A simple act of kindness can go just as far - if not even farther than an angry virus can. The concept of the ripple effect born from niceness, is exemplified perfectly in one of my favorite poems. I discovered it in a Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul book when I was about 15, and it has stuck with me ever since. 

The poem is called "Smile," and it goes like this:

"She smiled at a sorrowful stranger.

The smile seemed to make him feel better.

He remembered the past kindness of a friend.

and wrote a thank-you letter.

The friend was so pleased with the thank-you

that he left a large tip after lunch.

The waitress, surprised by the size of the tip,

bet the whole thing on a hunch.

The next day she picked up her winnings,

and gave part to a man on a street.

The man on the street was grateful;

for two days he'd had nothing to eat.

After he finished his dinner,

he left for his small dingy room.

(He didn't know at that moment

that he might be facing his doom.)

On the way he picked up a shivering puppy

and took him home to get warm.

The puppy was very grateful

to be in out of the storm.

That night the house caught on fire.

The puppy barked the alarm.

He barked 'til he woke the whole household

and saved everybody from harm.

One of the boys that he rescued

grew up to be President.

All this because of a simple smile

that hadn't cost a cent" 

(I can't figure out the author's name to save my life, so by all mean's if you can, please do, and let me know!)

Being nice may not always come naturally - or easily - but it goes such a long way. Besides what's that old adae you hear all the time? 

Everyone is fighting some sort of battle. Be kind. Always.

Recently I was temping at an office and I had a rather humanizing experiencing reminding me that I'm - oh yes - human and that I can stand to take my own worldly wisdom often (I write this stuff for me, not you). I saw the same woman every day and she could rarely squeeze out a smile, let alone make eye contact. I don't know what my deal was, but I made the mistake of speaking up to a colleague, "What is her problem? She seems so angry all the time...really unhappy & not very nice."

To which my colleague quickly replied,"She's actually really nice. I think she's very insecure about her personal situation. You should talk to her."

He was so right, and I was embarrassed I let myself go there.

The next day was a new day - a great day to be judgement free, to be selfless, to be nice. I saw her and instead of assuming and avoiding I said, "Good morning Claudia*! I am loving your dress!" I did - it hugged her in all the right places. 

And guess what? She stood a little taller, smoothed the non-existent wrinkles at her hips, smiled ear to ear looked at me and said, "Would you believe I got it at Ross?!" The conversation took off from there and when finished she had a new bounce to her step. She paraded around the office for the rest of the day as the best dressed woman in the office that she was. I saw that ripple effect first hand, and it didn't cost me a cent. 

Within the hour of this interaction, I made my way to the copy room where I saw a large and naked bulletin board that had been there all along but today I really saw it. It was empty of any fliers, reminders, company picnic announcements, or lost dog posters and one very powerful statement on it: NICE IS IMPORTANT. 

A reminder to all that Nice goes a long way. A simple truth that creates a magic ripple effect and doesn't cost a cent? Where do I sign? I WANT MORE. And you should too. Sometimes it can be hard, I know, but I think we can do it.

...and her life was Simply wonderful

All my very best,

Em